Teen Arbitrary Choice Awards

I do not and did not watch the Teen Choice Awards. To be honest, I don't understand what they're about. Supposedly they're awards for anything from acting to hotness and cuteness, as doled out by teen Internet voters. Or something. Somehow this manages to draw a crowd ranging from the A-list (Reese Witherspoon) to the R-list (Laguna Beach kids). The luckiest hotties and actors all get surfboards.

The intrigue for me is that it's all pretty arbitrary, so it's more like comedy than anything. I mean, to be honest, in what other award show could Reese Witherspoon and
Mischa Barton both be 'honored' for their acting talents?

In what other award show could Kevin Federline be the 'performance of the night'?

The Teen Choice Awards seem to be a hybrid of the Razzies and the Billboards. Or something. They're popularity awards, like the Billboards, not talent awards. But they provide opportunity for clothes-watching, so I can appreciate that aspect at least. This year was really slim pickings, style wise. Everyone seemed to look painfully styled, most obviously, Jessica Simpson.

Here are my two picks for the Best Dressed Man and Woman. In no other circumstance would I select Mischa Barton as a 'best dressed' because I don't think she has any natural flair, and often looks like the less-anorexic version of Nicole Richie. But, like I said, it was slim pickings. As far as Johnny Depp goes, in my eyes, he can do no wrong. I'm so sick of seeing guys show up to award shows wearing pink lipgloss and exposing their greased and waxed chest. Johnny Depp never disappoints. Despite his often 'eclectic' outfits, he comes across as understated because he doesn't project the 'I'm too sexy for my shirt, and where is my lipgloss!?' vibe.

Mischa Barton
Johnny Depp

(I promise that this is the first and last time I will feature Mischa Barton on this site).